So recently I have been thinking about my future. Where I’m going, what I want to accomplish in this world, how I want to make a change. And let me tell you, it’s scary.
I want to make a REAL change. And the selfish side of me wants to make some real money in the process too.
But the more I come back to it, the more I feel in my heart that I just want to spread some happiness and improve people’s lives in even the smallest of ways. I want to live gratefully and humbly; and I have a long way to go.
I want to leave an everlasting mark on people’s lives through the only thing that’s everlasting: God.
I keep searching for all these miniscule things to believe in like money, job security, or staying within my comfort zone. Yet yesterday as I’m standing at my register, working an eight-hour shift, I have this thought that smacks me right in the face.
“I’ve been here for five hours and what have I really accomplished?
I’m just wasting my time standing behind a desk. This is not what I want to do with my life. Why am I here?”
Why have I lived this summer like a blind man, not seeing what I have in front of me? When I’ve had God’s love in front of me and Jesus holding my hand, walking beside me this whole time.
I’ve come to believe that this was the glimpse into God’s plan for me.
That was God saying, “Sure, the future is scary, but it needs people like you who don’t want to stand behind a desk. People who want to make a change somehow.”
I’ve felt this nudge the past few months that I need to be working overseas helping improve living conditions somehow. I haven’t acted on it because I’m scared. Because I have this plan for my life and it doesn’t include living in hostels or leaving my family behind. But time after time I feel this push there. And God’s patient enough and has enough love for me that He will wait until I’m done being stubborn and find where my path and His path intersect.
So it’s not the most solid route. So it’s not the plan I had for myself. Well after the past few years, I’ve learned that God laughs when we make plans. Because 10/10 His plans are WAYYY better than anything we could have imagined for ourselves.
And I am in awe once again.
God, who is everlasting, who is bigger than the sky above us and all-powerful, who is ultimately indescribable, wants this for me. Because He loves me.
He shows me how to find happiness in the broken parts of my life. How to find happiness in the cracks in our plans. Happiness because we want to be, not because our lives are “perfect”. And happiness because we know the promise of what is to come and the victory that comes with it.
And i sing out more than ever in my car on the drive home,
Your love is like radiant diamonds bursting inside us we cannot contain.
Your love will surely come find us like blazing wildfires singing Your name.
God of mercy, sweet Love of mine,
I have surrendered to Your design.
May this offering stretch across the sky;
These hallelujahs be multiplied.
God’s love DOES come find us and it hits us with the strength of a blazing wildfire. Even when i’m standing at a register, His love finds His way into my heart. And i can’t help but smile at the fact that He is always there, always present and working in us.
And even when we make mistakes and turn our backs to Him like i’ve done countless times these past few months, the truth still rings true: everyone can be forgiven because of God’s unfailing love.
You just have to open up your heart to Him and listen.
Listen for the truth.
The simple truth that
GOD IS LOVE
And love is the remedy.
Sincerely,
Erin
Check out this verse:
Romans 8: 37-39
decisivelyerin 